<html><head><meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html charset=us-ascii"></head><body style="word-wrap: break-word; -webkit-nbsp-mode: space; -webkit-line-break: after-white-space; " class="">Buddha's Dogs<div class=""><br class=""></div><div class=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; ">I'm at a day-long meditation retreat, eight hours of watching</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "> my mind with my mind,</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; ">and I already fell asleep twice and nearly fell out of my chair,</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "> and it's not even noon yet.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; ">In the morning session, I learned to count my thoughts, ten in</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "> one minute, and the longest</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; ">was to leave and go to San Anselmo and shop, then find an</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "> outdoor cafe and order a glass</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; ">of Sancerre, smoked trout with roasted potatoes and baby</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "> carrots and a bowl of gazpacho.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; ">But I stayed and learned to name my thoughts, so far they are:</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "> wanting, wanting, wanting,</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; ">wanting, wanting, wanting, wanting, wanting, judgment,</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "> sadness.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; ">Don't identify with your</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; ">thoughts,</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; ">the teacher says,</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; ">you are not your personality, not your</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "> ego-identification, </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; ">then he bangs the gong for lunch. Whoever, whatever I am is</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "> given instruction</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; ">in the walking meditation and the eating meditation and walks</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "> outside with the other</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; ">meditators, and we wobble across the lake like</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; ">The Night of the </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "> Living Dead.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; ">I meditate slowly, falling over a few times because I kept my</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "> foot in the air too long,</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; ">towards a bench, sit slowly down, and slowly eat my sandwich,</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "> noticing the bread,</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; ">(sourdough), noticing the taste, (tuna, sourdough), noticing</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "> the smell, (sourdough, tuna),</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; ">thanking the sourdough, the tuna, the ocean, the boat, the</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "> fisherman, the field, the grain,</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; ">the farmer, the Saran Wrap that kept this food fresh for this</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "> body made of food and desire</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; ">and the hope of getting through the rest of this day without</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "> dying of boredom.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; ">Sun then cloud then sun. I notice a maple leaf on my sandwich.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "> It seems awfully large.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; ">Slowly brushing it away, I feel so sad I can hardly stand it, so I</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "> name my thoughts; they are:</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; ">sadness about my mother, judgment about my father, wanting</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "> the child I never had.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; ">I notice I've been chasing the same thoughts like dogs around</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "> the same park most of my life,</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; ">notice the leaf tumbling gold to the grass. The gong sounds,</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "> and back in the hall.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; ">I decide to try lying down meditation, and let myself sleep. The</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "> Buddha in my dream is me,</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; ">surrounded by dogs wagging their tails, licking my hands.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "> I wake up</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; ">for the forgiveness meditation, the teacher saying,</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; ">never put</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "> anyone out of your heart,</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; ">and the heart opens and knows it won't last and will have to</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "> open again and again,</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; ">chasing those dogs around and around in the sun then cloud</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "> then sun.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "> </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255); font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span></div><div class=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><br class=""></span></div><div class=""><span class="Apple-style-span" style="line-height: 19px; "><span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space:pre"> </span>- Susan Browne</span></div></body></html>