Better Than Expected - Tony Hoagland

[Larry Robinson]

Better Than Expected

Things were not as bad as I had thought.
The scrape in the fender of the rented car 
could be hidden with a little white paint 
before I returned it to the agency.
 
This CD of new age music, which I just liked it first,
with its that synthetic wind of pulsing jellyfish, 
does a remarkable job of slowing down my heart.
 
Merely to have survived to this point 
is already the most unlikely triumph; 
to still be breathing and trying to improve.
 
Things are definitely better than expected.
I'm not on trial for anything.
I have given up on the idea of great success.
The oncologist says the X Ray shows no “abnormalities.”
 
We are always trying to come to a decision,
always in a place where we are making up our minds 
whether this soup is good, the flowers pretty,
whether we are fortunate, or poor.
 
All my life I have been 
            loved by women,
                        held up by water,
                                    ignored by war.
I have outlasted the voluntary numbness 
I required to remain alive.
 
Why shouldn't I be able,
why shouldn't I be able now
to walk down the street,
 
under the overhanging trees, 
and raise my arms and say 
that the ring shaking down from the leaves 
is not an inconvenience but it's joy? 
 
     - Tony Hoagland
	(November 19, 1953 - October 23, 2018)
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