Regret - Butch Gerbrandt

[Lawrence Robinson]

Regret						

If I could
I would reboot the seventh grade
when I thought
music was out of reach
because no one introduced an alto sax
to my itchy fingers.
Where I was too shy
to grasp Mary Lynn Hightower’s small hand
when proffered.
Where I sought refuge
in printed fantasy 
instead of plunging
into the turbulent waters 
of pre-teen society.

If I could
I would backspace 
to the ides of August, 1969,
hitchhike to Yasgur’s farm,
and bare my skinny torso 
to the sun and the rain
and rock and roll’s definitive moment.

If I could 
I would waste my youth on the Continent.
Qu’est-ce que c’est?
Was kann mann machen?
¿Quien soy yo?

If I could
I would reshoot the video
of my second marriage
where I failed to comprehend
who was the center
of my universe.
I sought out colleagues
rather than my lover.
I groveled for the praise of my professors -
those frocked scholars did nothing
to right the listing ship.
I learned too late
that independence is absent 
from the dictionary of relationships.

	- Butch Gerbrandt