Better Thank Expected - Tony Hoagland

[Larry Robinson]

Better Thank Expected

Things were not as bad as I had thought. 
The scrape in the fender of the rented car
could be hidden with a little white paint
before I returned it to the agency.

This CD of New Age music, which I disliked at first,
with its synthetic wind of pulsing jellyfish,
does a remarkable job of slowing down my heart.

Merely to have survived to this point
is already the most unlikely triumph;
to still be breathing and trying to improve.

Things are definitely better than expected.
I'm not on trial for anything.
I have given up on the idea of great sucess.
The oncologist says the x-ray shows no " abnormalities."


We are always trying to come to a decision,
always in a place where we are making up our minds
whether the soup is good, the flowers pretty,
whether we are fortunate, or poor.

All my life I have been
         loved by women,
                 held up by water,
                               ignored by war.
I have outlasted the voluntary numbness
I required to remain alive.

Why shouldn't I be able,
why shouldn't I be able now
to walk down the street,

under the overhanging trees,
and raise my arms and say
that the rain shaking down from the leaves

is not an inconvenience but a joy?


        - Tony Hoagland
  
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